Psycho and Ritard
by Erika1995
Summary: This story was written by Sam Brody or Moon Princess and I. And yes, it's rather random. Enjoy!


Warning: The authors of this fanfic did not have _much_ caffeine when writing this 'fic.

Once upon a time, there were two evil twin chao named Psycho and Retard. Their favorite hobby was to create havoc around the universe. Their favorite planet to create havoc on was Mobius. If they had over 20 ounces of sugar, well, let's just say that some people wouldn't be here anymore.

One day, Retard and Psycho stormed through the dreary city of Robotropolis and invaded the Doomsday Project area. They had over 400 ounces of sugar that morning and were ready to wreak havoc over the planet. Swatbots were no match for the sugar hyped chao.

Dr. Robotnik, evil dictator of Mobius and Fairytopia™, lord of the port-a-potties, and Head Banana of the Dora the Explorer™ council yelled at Metal Sonic to seize the demonic chao. "Yes, Lord of port-a-potties," Metal Sonic said in his grating metallic voice.

He went out and tried to stop the evil, future-dictating chao. But, even he, the Supreme Ruler of Swatbots, could not get his subjects to chase the chao.

He heard sounds of screaming and chainsaws being revved up and lasers firing in the distance. He saw Swatbots running, in Robotnik's underwear, trying to escape Psycho and Retard. "Wussies! They can't even shoot the side of a barn with a bazooka. Looks like I'll have to take care of this myself."

Then, much to his horror, a roller coaster appeared. "There's no way they could have built that in five minutes!" Little did Metal Sonic know, Retard and Psycho were behind him with rope and a flame thrower.

Note: Authors have some MAJOR mental issues to work out.

Within 30 seconds and five milliseconds, the chao had Metal Sonic tied up to the front car of the suddenly appearing roller coaster. "NO! ANYTHING BUT THIS!" Metal Sonic pleaded. "Retard!" squeaked Retard, only able to say his name. Robotnik came out. "What are you doing Metal? Say something!" Robotnik yelled furiously. "Get the fat tub of lard!" yelled Psycho, pointing at Robotnik.

Robotnik backed up slowly. "No! Please! Have mercy! I'll give you anything that your sick, twisted little mind desires!" "World domination," said Psycho. "Or, on second thought, maybe barbies™…"

"Retard!" Retard yelled, directing his comment at Psycho, who thought up a fantastic idea. "We're going to rip up the barbies," said Psycho. "NOT MY BARBIES!!" yelled Metal Sonic. "Shut up girly man! We're going to weld the pieces of the barbies together to make a barbie robot for domination of Mobius," continued Psycho.

Sonic the Hedgehog, the world renowned super-fast, best chili dog maker, saver of the roboticized people, controller of power rings, power-puff girl™ fan…

/ZAP!!!/

/Water Star and Moon Princess get off the ground, twitching./

Uhhh…we didn't mean to put Power-puff girl fan-

/ZAP!!!/

Sonic is now at a sleep-over, discussing which power-puff girl has the cutest dress- 

/ZAAAAP!!!!!!/

-and which episode is the best….oops… Water Star!!!

Lightening storm (way too graphic for the eyes to see.)

Five minutes later…

Sonic actually went to see what was going on in Robotropolis, since he saw explosions coming from that direction.

"Sal, two chao are holding Robuttnik and Metal Sonic hostage!" Sonic said over his walkie-talkie. "How?" Sally responded. "One of them has Metal Sonic tied up and on a roller coaster. The other has 'Buttnik, also tied up, dangling over a tank of South Mobian piranhas." "Get in closer. This is a Kodak™ moment," Sally responded.

Moon Princess is currently regaining her strength to stop laughing and snorting. Dang, she REALLY can't stop. So I, Water Star-never mind. (TWAP!!! (on W.S.s head)) don't try to take over this 'fic, says M.P. We now give you the already scheduled program. 

Sonic scooted closer to the crime scene taking place with a Kodak™ camera. Retard, now unoccupied, saw the blue hedgehog and flew behind him. "Retard!" the sinister chao said cutely. Sonic turned around and was suddenly knocked out by the roller coaster, which was coming right towards him. "Sonic, respond!" Sally said out of the walkie-talkie. Retard picked up the communicating device and crushed it into little bite-sized pieces. hint hint!

30 minutes later, the demonic chao had captured their 509th victim, if you include all the Swatbots, otherwise it would be their third.

In the Roboticizing Chamber, Snively was about to roboticize Big the Cat and his best friend, Froggy. Froggy suddenly gulped two Chaos Emeralds that were on the table and grew a second tail. ""NO!" Snively shrieked. "Not again," said Big. Froggy hopped out of the room with Big and Snively chasing after him.

Psycho had made a molding shell for the Barbie of Destruction. He found all of Metal Sonic's barbies. Then, he realized why Metal Sonic liked them so much. The barbies had frilly pink dresses and fab hair. He dumped the dolls into a huge bowl along with sugar, spice, everything nice, chemical X, and several WMDs (weapons of mass destruction).

Froggy had found a computer and was on E-bay searching for random objects he could buy. He came across someone selling the other five Chaos Emeralds. He clicked the "Add to Cart" button on the screen and was surprised that they were only selling for 50 cents per Emerald. He ribbited in delight.

He waited for only 15 minutes for his purchases to arrive. Mina the Mongoose knocked on the door. He came out with $2.50, ready to pay. "Here is your order….sir?" Mina said when she noticed he was only a frog. "Ribbit," he replied, giving her his money. He pulled out five pieces of gold and gave that to Mina as her tip for being so quick with the delivery. "Ribbit, ribbit," he said, hopping back inside with his package. "Okay, that was kinda freaky," Mina murmured. "Oh, well, he tips good. He gave me five pieces of gold! I'm RICH!" she continued excitedly.

Which, infact, Mina was rich! Five pieces of gold was a lot of money (moola, cha-ching, the green stuff, cash, and so on, and so forth) from a small li'l (little, small, etc.) froggy like Froggy himself.

/Yes, the authors are aware that that last sentence was a run-on sentence. But it's not like it matters./

Mina is just like Old Mother Witch, who fell in a ditch, found a penny and thought she was rich. But, unlike Old Mother Witch, Mina really was rich. She didn't tell anyone that she had $1,000,000 in her couch, closet, washer, dryer, buried in her back yard, in her port-a-potty (sorry 'Buttnik. NOT!) and pretty much any other place you could think of.

She was so rich, infact ( Yes, the authors ARE aware that they say infact a lot ) she had enough money (cha-ching, moola, the green stuff, cash, etc.) saved up to buy 1,000,982 fairy god parents, but she wanted 1,000,983 of them, so she would just have to wait.

Note: Authors have been in a mental health center for two years now, and that is where they are writing this 'fic from. (Just kidding!) 

Okay, so enough about Mina. Let's talk about you. Oh, what's that? What do I like? Long walks on the beach, watching sunsets, cheese, you name it! Oh, right! The story! So anyway, Mina…. What? Huh? I'm deaf! D-E-A-F! Oh! You're deaf too? Sweet! I mean… SOUR! Okay, seriously, let's see what's going on with Sonic and the gang.

So anyway…

Sonic is still unconscious. Okay, everybody thinks he's unconscious, but he's actually asleep. He is having the best dream ever! About unicorns eating chili dogs, chili dogs eating unicorns, pretty purple crayons, princesses, his deepest, darkest secret (SECRETLY wanting to marry a chili dog-eating unicorn), and other things.

Oh my gosh! We got this far without a-

ZAP!!!!!!

Never mind.

So very sorry, back to Sonic. He suddenly wakes up, extremely mad. Sally comes up to him. "What the heckles?" asks Sally. (incase you didn't figure this out, heckles is pretty much the same thing as heck. Only it's said Water Star and Moon Princess style!)

"Huh?" replies Sonic. "In your sleep you kept saying 'I do! I do! You may now kiss the bride. Mwah! Mwah! Ew now I have chili dog all over my face! Oh, honey muffin, I didn't mean that! No, baby! Don't leave! Honey! MUFFIN CAKE, I demand that you come back this INSTANT!!' and it kind of freaked me out. I thought you were having another mental breakdown or something." She said.

"No Sal, I'm fine. BUT I'M NOT MENTAL, NEVER HAVE BEEN, AND NEVER WILL BE! So I'm just gonna jump on my wittle chili dog-eating unicorn and ride off into the sunset while you just stand there lookin' at me all weird." Sonic said.

"Fine, I'm going to Taco Bell. See ya." Sally replied.

"Whatcha getting?" asked Sonic.

"A chicken quesadilla, why?"

"Could you get me a taco, everything on it, with extra cheese, please? Hey that rhymed! YEAH! It's my birthday! It's my birthday!" We now interrupt Sonic's outbreak of extreme cabbage- patching and singing to give you Sally's reply.

"Sure, I guess. As long as you pay me back."

"Okay."

"Oh, by the way, here's a new walkie-talkie."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Let's stop talking and I'll leave."

"Okay, bye."

Sonic is walking around, waiting for his taco. Suddenly Sally comes on the walkie-talkie.

"Sonic, are you aware that a nervous breakdown is a modern, hip, jazzy, cool, form of breakdancing?" She asked.

"I had no idea." Sonic replied.

"And when someone is 'having a nervous breakdown' it means they are doing a dance?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Okay then. I'll be having a nervous breakdown when you get back."

Sally starts laughing uncontrollably. "Ok then see ya." She says in between laughs.

"Bye."

Sally comes back, and Sonic is yelling "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Where is it?!"

"Where's what?" Sally asks. "My walkie-talkie! A second ago it was right here in my hand and now- (he looks down) –it's in my hand. Never mind. I got freaked out when I heard you talking from over there and then… WOW!" "Ok. Whatever. Hey, could you tell me your email address again? I wrote it down, but I can't find the paper." Said Sally.

"It's said Sonic. (p.s. if this email is a real one, don't try to send anything to it. Because it might be a crazy psycho [or retard haha! ready to jump out of your computer and hit you with a crazy man-eating chimp!! Okay, so the possibilities of that are about one to one million but, hey, it's worth a shot.)

"Thanks for helping out a friend with short-term memory loss, Sonic. You're great." Said Sally, "I'll email you tonight."

When Sonic gets home….

He logs into Yahoo.

Yahoo ID: chilidogluvr1

Password: iluvchilidogs

He has 10 new messages. 10 from Sally, one from Chili Dog Addicts Anonymous, and one from someone named Psycho. He opens the one from this "Psycho" of which his inbox speaks.

It reads: Sally says she's sorry about today. By the way, here's your taco!

He then has a taco shoved halfway down his throat by this chao. "Oh my gosh…." He's thinking. "… Psycho! I read about him in the paper! And someone else… Retard! But where's………."

"Retard!" Retard yells. Sonic is then picked up, thrown on the couch, and given a fresh-baked-just-like-Grandma-used-to-make…… wait for it……. Wait for it….. cookie! And a complimentary gift basket containing a lifetime supply of chilidogs, and anything else his heart desires. Back to you, Ken! Why, thank you, M.P. and W.S. NOW GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!!!

Anyway, it turns out Psycho and Retard were huge Sonic fans. "Hey guys," says Sonic, "How are you?"

"Umm… we're fine." Says Psycho, speaking for both himself and Retard.

"Can I check my email real quick?" asks Sonic.

"Okay BUDDY!" says Psycho. "RETARD!" yells Retard, smiling.

He opens another from Sally. Reminder: He has 12 messages in his inbox. 10 from Sally, 1 from "Psycho" and one from Chili Dog Addicts Anonymous.

Sal's first one reads:

There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count, and those who can't.

-Sal

P.S. 1, 2, 4, 6, 5, 8, 10!

He opens a second from Sally.

It reads:

I left my heart in San Francisco. And a corn dog! And a poodle! And some bread. But, as you know, most people don't get too excited about hearts or bread. So I put a period at the end of those sentences! But I put an exclamation point with corn dog and poodle, because those are some pretty exciting things.

-Sal

He decides to read the rest from Sally later. He opens the one from the CDAA (Chili Dog Addicts Anonymous)

It reads:

Dear Sonic the Hedgehog or Current Subscriber,

This is to inform you that there will be a CDAA meeting tomorrow night at 8:00. It will be held at the Tastee Treet in downtown Robotropolis, where chili dogs are being served, all-you-can-eat, all day! Whoever can resist the delicious flavor the longest wins a piece of spearmint flavored Stride gum. Good luck and see you there!

-CDAA President,

Poodly Doodly Muffin Pie

Here is a short excerpt from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe;chapter three:

There was a crisp, dry snow under his feet and more snow lying on the branches of trees. Overhead there was a pale blue sky, the sort of sky one sees on a fine winter day in the morning.

And that is the moral of our story. Hey, worth a shot. You're probably thinking "What were M.P. and W.S. thinking when they wrote this?" But, oh, silly little reader, have you not known all along that we were mental? Just kidding guys! 

Dude, Water Star, ya gotta stay in focus. For the record, it's not the end. Even if you did want it to be, it's not. You can stop if you want, but you'll miss the best part! It's when Froggy gets the Chaos Emeralds and- M.P! You're going to give away the ending! I am? I was just telling them what happens. I didn't mean to tell them the ending. #Sigh# You were about to tell the ending…I don't even see why I put up with you. Anywhoo, back to the story… 

The next day, Big and Snively finally caught up with Froggy. A giant, coconut mint-flavored candle appeared out of nowhere. Then, shortly after that, Psycho and Retard appeared and candlenapped the giant candle. "No! Not my new lucky charm!" cried Big.

Suddenly, Froggy brought out the five Chaos Emeralds and engulfed them. The Freedom Fighters and Knuckles showed up on the scene. "Where are the Chaos Emeralds?" Knuckles inquired worriedly. "That sorry excuse for a frog ate them!" Snively yelled angrily.

"Don't talk about my buddy like that!" Big retorted. Retard swooped in with a big bucket of barbeque flavored chicken wings. He then started speaking gibberish that actually made sense.

"Do you like your chicken wings? Do you like your chicken wings?" Retard sang, dancing around with the big bucket of chicken wings. He then accidentally dropped the chicken wings. "Oh no, I dropped my chicken wings! Oh no, I dropped my chicken wings!" The people present looked at him oddly. "What's all this about?" Sonic whispered to Sally. "You tell me!" Sally whispered back.

"You retard! What are you doing?" Psycho yelled. Retard looked at him and said, "Oh no, I dropped my chicken wings! Oh no, I dropped my chicken wings!"

Froggy turned into Super Froggy. He opened up a portal and two more chao popped out. Their names were Stupid and Dumm-E and were girl chao. Psycho and Retard followed them immediately. They followed the other two chao back into the portal and it closed.

FROGGY HAD SAVED THE DAY! Everyone cheered for him, as he puked out the seven Chaos Emeralds.

"Eew, frog vomit," Knuckles groaned. He picked the emeralds up and went home to the Floating Island. The Freedom Fighters went home back to Knothole while Metal Sonic finally busted out of the roller coaster.

Hmm...No lightning. It's a miracle! No kidding! We're saved from the evil rampaging monkeys from Hong Kong! Water Star looks at the sky. Everything would be great except for that one, black cloud. Uh, I think that's a rain cloud. You don't think... Head for the hills!! W.S and M.P. ran to the top of the tallest hill. It was the biggest lightning storm ever known to the universe. Anywhoo, back to the story...

Then the sun came out, and the birds sang, and they lived happily ever after.

The End!

Finally, you can stop reading! It's a miracle!!! (Celebration time, Come on!)

Water Star would like to thank M.P. and Dora the Explorer for inspiring the "top of the tallest hill" thing!

Moon Princess would like to make a special thanks to God, Water Star, and the evil rampaging monkeys from Hong Kong. You guys are awesome! And, to Psycho and Retard, my first two chao on SA2B. Love ya'll! Peace!

We would both like to thank Silver for putting up with us and our very few fans for actually listening to us for once. Read and e-mail M.P. and W.S! We mean it! The evil rampaging monkeys from Hong Kong are still out there you know!

Later!

Water Star and Moon Princess!


End file.
